Aug 18, 2014

Mommy Memoirs - Things You Don't Want To But Have To Hear

As a new mum, there are a hundred strange, new and unexpected things that you can experience. I wonder if any of the mums I know managed to handle these, all by themselves. Each of us turn to someone close for all those queries, frights and fears that cross our minds. Thankfully for me I have my mum and sister to handle the silliest of questions that I may have.

To add to that, thanks to WhatsApp, I have a set of 'new mommy' friends who double up as mommy-wiki's for me. They were literally a ping away right through my 9 month journey and continue to be so. Thank you my mommy friends :-)

Now apart from this set of your chosen advisors, you are most likely to come across a dozen relatives, friends or passersby who will chip in with their unwelcome comments, probings and much more. If you did not encounter such people, you are surely blessed. For the record, I have tried to collect all such questions/ comments that I had to, but didn't want to, hear during my pregnancy and after NiVi was born. I would have liked to add that all these characters are fictitious and do not resemble anyone living or dead. However, fortunately or otherwise, they are very much for real and living :-)

Here goes...

'Eat as much as you want and whatever you want before you deliver.'
... However genuine and well meant this statement may be, I doubt if you can really eat as much as you want and all that you want... Especially during the last couple of months with your little one cuddled inside and hardly any room left. Didn't work for me, not sure about the others.

'Oh!! You want to have a girl?!'
... YES!! And I will only prefer to reserve my reactions on this one... Lest I get violent with my vocabulary. We are proud to have NiVi in our lives!

'Congratulations! How does it feel.. (And then before you even smile and begin to say thanks)... Are you "able" to feed her??!!'
... Most irritatingly timed question when you are still in the hospital and recouping. Almost everyone seems to be curious and/or concerned about this. Depending on the age of your 'well wisher', this question will most likely be followed by a lecture to the effect of 'mother's feed is the best for your baby'. Every new mom knows this, people!! I think we should just let her and the baby be. Let them take their time and settle down... in what, I think, is nature's best example of human bonding :-)

'Does she sleep well at night??'
... Reflex response... Oh yes!!! My baby has super natural powers of sleeping through the night without wanting to be fed or cleaned!!! Such a painful question to pose to someone who is already zombified, displaying all signs of lack of sleep!

'... And you thought raising a child was easy??!!
...This statement will mark the end of a detailed discussion on all the challenges you are facing as a new mother. All through you would be made to believe that you have a very empathetic listener... And then this question pops up suddenly, leaving you saying 'hnmmm'... and thinking '@#$%'.

'Who does she look like??' 
... Now there's nothing really wrong with this question but I just find it too clich├ęd. And the irony here is that all my friends think she resembles me, all his friends think she resembles him and all our common friends think she resembles both of us :-D 

Am sure there will be many more such questions in the months ahead. Time for me to check with my mommy-wiki's... so that I can be better prepared ;-)


Anonymous,  August 18, 2014 at 4:20 PM  

Omg! I was going to write a post abt this myself! (We are both pukka Arians) However I have had a few stranger experiences apart from yours as well.
I have decided I shall not give anyone any unsolicited advice for sure..:) Nice post, makes me want to pen down my thoughts too. :) - Namrata

Shwetha Lokesh August 19, 2014 at 11:57 AM  

Hey PV,

Well written I must say !!! I could relate to almost every point.... N i had the exact same thoughts when someone said these things to me :)

Good to know that almost all of us go through the same feeling :-D

Sheetal August 19, 2014 at 12:12 PM  

Oh God...reading your blog was like i'm revisiting those days myself!Thats why all mommies universally get each other cos we all go through similar experiences. My most hated question was definitely..."are you able to feed?"

priya August 19, 2014 at 5:17 PM  

Thanks Namrata. Pakka Arians... That toh we are :-)

Do share your stranger experiences.

I ditto your thought on not giving unsolicited advice to anyone hereon.

Looking forward to your post :-)

priya August 19, 2014 at 5:20 PM  

Thanks Shwetha and Sheetal. I realize now that possibly dealing with these experiences is part of the journey called motherhood!

I've sworn not to ask such questions to any new mom I meet going forward.

Vaddadi Prashant Rao August 20, 2014 at 8:50 PM  

Whoa! That's like a honey dipped slap! Lol!

priya August 21, 2014 at 4:12 PM  

Hey Prashanth! Thanks for your comment. Glad it got you smiling :-)

Prasita April 29, 2015 at 12:35 PM  

Hey Priya,

I was nodding all along as I read this...well summed up I would say :)

To top it almost no visitor asks you how are you? I almost was in tears when a dear friend ask me this... LOL

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